▽

It sickens and kills me how everyone's relationship with anyone seems to be based on interest. I haven't seen true genuineness from a friendly gesture in the longest time (not to say ever). It feels like a chain, this behavior. I spend most days by myself, not really talking to anyone about the things that go on in my head. Suppressing these feelings that come over me because I'm never really sure about who would really like to listen to it/understand/appreciate and most of all discuss. (In a p o s i t i v e way preferably). Thinking about how there's no other way to categorize my friendships as nothing more than superficial leaves me feeling pretty lonely and upset. Boohoo. Nobody really makes an attempt to reach out. It makes me wonder if I'm the only one feeling this way, if it's normal, if it makes sense to just feel so alone. I really try not to, really I try to not let it get to me because I can't say it hasn't always been like this. Being the only girl out of three children I was always pretty much by myself and turned to "imaginary" friends which later caused my mother to believe I was delusional/possessed. I guess what bugs me is still feeling as if I have no one there for me besides my own "imaginary" friends which really are nothing more than my very own thoughts and conversations with myself. Nothing has really changed but God knows I wish it did. 

it is too beautiful & shall remain standing gracefully in the abandoned flower box which shall not be "abandoned" for much longer.

❝ Because I'm not a virgin and you're not a God ❞

 
So in love with these. They tempt me for a little DIY time. The question now is where to find cheap skintight legged jeans WITH high rise, I hate how all of a sudden everything has gotten hip hugging... at least in my closet it has. The only high waisted pair of pants I actually own are some really old (fabulous, nonetheless) Guess jeans that were second handed to me long ago. 

$65.00 for Cheap Monday Black Lace Tight Jeans 

         Those last few months at home were pretty tough, but then I started my freshman year and got caught up in the life of the mind. My idol-worship class was the best, but my dad didn't get it at all. "What the hell does that have to do with patricide?" he asked.
         And I said, "Umm. Everything."
         He didn't understand that it's all connected, that one subject leads to another and forms a kind of chain that raises its head and nods like a cobra when you're sucking on a bong after three days of no sleep.

excerpt from "When You Are Engulfed In Flames" by David Sedaris

 It should be forbidden for people to say "I love you" to somebody else. There should be a meter instead, like say, a balloon attached to the person, no, that sounds too fantastic... more like a little beeper that measures the person's heartbeat & brain waves & beeps really loud when a person actually loves. And then, yeah i guess then it'd be okay for that person to actually say "oh shit, I love you." That sounds more engaging to me. 

The Beacon Street Collection, Return Of Saturn, and Tragic Kingdom are still my favorites. I missed these guys, can't wait for their new stuff. Hopefully they don't mess it up.

who is the cutest #twtpet?

My cuddle bear.

All the pets on that site are adorable. I find myself spending allot of time on there letting my mind fly with the cuteness that only pet animals possess ❤

Bravo is the cutest to me tho, there's no match for this pooch.

Still laughing.

I was really just talking about LSD.

 
The jacket I've wanted my whole life... or at least until I saw Tyler Durden wearing something similar in Fight Club.

3.1 Phillip Lim feather grey mongolian fur chubby for Fall 2009

Of course it'll be in some ridiculous high price which I will never in my wildest dreams be able to afford. Damn you fashion, damn you straight to hell!!!!!

I must not enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must no enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must no enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must no enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must no enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must no enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must no enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must no enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must no enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must no enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must no enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must no enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must no enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must not enter fredflare.com I must no enter fredflare.com.

That furry vest is the most tempting tho, saw one just like it in Zara, same price except Zara only had a M size one & fredflare only has 4 XS small left, which means it would fit perfectly and oh...

I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things I must not think of furry things .

In a dream I was a werewolf
My soul was filled with crystal light
Lavender ribbons of rain sang
Riding my heart of mortal fight

Broken sundown fatherless showdown
Gun hip swollen lip bottle sip ya I suck dick
Lose grip on gravity falls sky blinding crumbling walls
River sweep away my memories of
Children's things a young mother's love
Before the yearning song of flesh on flesh
Young hearts burst open wounds bleed fresh
A young brother skinny and tall my older walks
Oceanward and somber, slumber sleeping
Flowers in the water,
But I'm just his daughter
Walking down an icy grave
leading to my Schizophrenic father.
Weeping willow won't you wallow louder
Searching for my father's power

I'ma shake you off though 
Get up on that horse and
Ride into the sunset
Look back with no remorse

He's a black magic wielder some say a witch
Wielded darkness when he was wailing on his mom's
An unborn child and he was the bastard that broke
Up the marriage evil does doing evil from a baby carriage
And he was born with the same blue eyes
Crystal ships dripping with ice diamonds corustcate 
in the night fireworks electric bright
And now he's got his own two sons
Tries to hide his tears in a world of fun
But loveless bedrooms filled with doom
Bring silent heartache July to June
Swoon over new young hot flame
Mourn the memories later
Laugh now alligator

Oh in a dream
My father came to me 
And made me swear that I'd keep
What sacred to me
And if I get the choice
To live in his name
I pray my way through the Rain
Singing Oh happy day

I don't mean to close the door but
For the record my heart is sore
You blew through me like bullet holes
Left stains on my sheets and stains
On my soul
You left me broke down beggin' for change
Had to catch a ride with a man who's deranged
He had your hands and my father's face
Another western vampire different time same place
I has dreams that brings me sadness
Pain much deeper that the river
Sorrow flow through me in tiny waves of shivers
Corny movies make me reminiscence
They break me down
easy on this generic love shit
First kiss frog and princess

I'ma shake you off though 
Get up on that horse and
Ride into the sunset
Look back with no remorse

well, it'll happen

college will become boring and absurd

probably for the rest of your studying years

i think it's really sad how

everyone is just so into finishing college fast so they can move on to make money and that way live prosper for the rest of their lives

and in exchange

they waste their most valuable years of life

studying shit that the university calls a "requirement" for the precious degree everyone's after

when most of this shit they teach you even

is filtered

it's why so many people end up unhappy by their 40's

after the existential crisis comes the midlife crisis

do you feel what i'm saying?

it really makes me sad

if so many people weren't so head on finishing their degree and making money we as a generation would've probably achieved something much greater for the world and the way we live

rather than just some doctors and lawyers and sellers and etc.

why

do we live

thinking if we don't have a degree by the time we reach thirthy

we're fucked?

Cause it's what society teaches us.

Can't we take an example from our parents for once?

with their degrees and their jobs and the marriage the house the kids

everything that life is supposed to be based on

according to society again

the luxury

the technology

and still live fucking unhappy

cause at the end of the day it really just accounts for nothing

cause at the end of the day we all know we'll die someday and if there's something that's gonna stay it's all this crap

sigh, see

i am much deeper into this shit hole of existential crisis

probably cause i've been out of college for almost a year and i've been thinking allot

like it's a big equation and all i do is try to figure it out, the college thing i mean and it just doesn't make sense

it doesn't make sense cause it's a lie that's been fabricated by the people who run the world and have run the world since the beginning and they fed it to our parents and our parents fed it to us and we all stay in the little birdcage

coming up with more jobs

but nothing really changes or gets better.

/end rant//